Considering it…

Really feeling like I need to seek counseling when it comes to the issues I have with my mother. I feel like they may be the missing link to my happiness. I mean, I am absolutely happy with myself at the moment and content, I just feel like in order to have any sort of normal feelings for my mother, I will have to speak and learn to deal with these feelings I harbor. I did take the 1st step, letting her know how deep she hurt me and she hurt me when I needed her the most. In the most important times in a young girl’s life, I felt abandoned. I felt blacklisted, I felt like I was just a big target for practice when it came to her and our relationship during my adolescence. Telling the story (which is rare because I refuse to wallow in my past sorrows) hurts every single time, and brings back the pain of abandonment. So I am going to look into counseling. I feel this is the missing link in my life as far a feeling complete. I am everything my mother wanted me to ever be, if not more. I don’t feel satisfied and sometimes counseling can be the key to coping with these feelings. I have had relationships and the minute anything feels as the pain I felt with my mother and our trials, I am quick to cut it off. Story of my life as far as people I have attempted to get to have an intimate relationship with I have found trouble with letting them in. There is like a wall, because I feel as though if I let them in, they can use my vulnerability against me. I have told a handful of people my testimony, but I feel the story isn’t over. I am confident I can find exactly what I need if I seek counseling. I just need to know if my insurance will cover it. I don’t know how exactly I feel about expressing my most vulnerable feelings with someone, but I feel as though I can awaken the self-discovery and unveil what I truly am meant to be and that is happy.