Moving Weekend

What a week it has been. I mean there were fireworks non-stop last week. I had an unfortunate blow out with my current roommate. We could not find a way to make our situation workable. It happens, but it is best that we separate and go our separate ways. So this weekend was a moving weekend. It just feels so good to live alone again. To have peace in your household and not walk into a world of dysfunction. If you have ever watched the Roommate is was a milder version of that. Hallelujah I will celebrate with a bottle of wine when I am officially unpacked. This is the 3rd time this year that I have moved. Moving sucks. There is no way around it, but it is an awesome workout! Tomorrow, me and my workout partner will be hitting the gym at our usual 5am time and running in the evenings since it has finally cooled down.

Considering it…

Really feeling like I need to seek counseling when it comes to the issues I have with my mother. I feel like they may be the missing link to my happiness. I mean, I am absolutely happy with myself at the moment and content, I just feel like in order to have any sort of normal feelings for my mother, I will have to speak and learn to deal with these feelings I harbor. I did take the 1st step, letting her know how deep she hurt me and she hurt me when I needed her the most. In the most important times in a young girl’s life, I felt abandoned. I felt blacklisted, I felt like I was just a big target for practice when it came to her and our relationship during my adolescence. Telling the story (which is rare because I refuse to wallow in my past sorrows) hurts every single time, and brings back the pain of abandonment. So I am going to look into counseling. I feel this is the missing link in my life as far a feeling complete. I am everything my mother wanted me to ever be, if not more. I don’t feel satisfied and sometimes counseling can be the key to coping with these feelings. I have had relationships and the minute anything feels as the pain I felt with my mother and our trials, I am quick to cut it off. Story of my life as far as people I have attempted to get to have an intimate relationship with I have found trouble with letting them in. There is like a wall, because I feel as though if I let them in, they can use my vulnerability against me. I have told a handful of people my testimony, but I feel the story isn’t over. I am confident I can find exactly what I need if I seek counseling. I just need to know if my insurance will cover it. I don’t know how exactly I feel about expressing my most vulnerable feelings with someone, but I feel as though I can awaken the self-discovery and unveil what I truly am meant to be and that is happy.