“A healthy you is the best gift you can give your family emotionally, spiritually, and
I have not posted on my blog in some time. Months actually. If you are wondering why, it was because I had nothing positive to say. Absolutely nothing. I had nothing encouraging to say because I was in need of encouragement myself. I guess you could say a part of me did not want to blog because if I were to be candid, I would be airing my dirty laundry and possibly disrupting my peace, another part of me was suffering in silence. Those selfies I have been posting on Instagram and Facebook, well they were happy moments but deep inside I was living in hell, living in torment, and praying to God for relief of it all. I was waiting on someone to save me from the trials and tribulations I found myself in. A super hero in a cape with extra starch. Once I came to the conclusion that no one was going to save me but myself, I began to try to rebuild. I turned to the best thing I could, my spirituality. My faith. My God. I needed to lean into him more than ever in my time of need. In this turbulent moment in my life.
What was it that was tormenting me? A custody case. It has been the the thorn in my side. I tried to fake it, smile through it all. The truth. I struggled and I find myself still struggling through it. When the communication breaks down between two parents, the results can be absolutely awful. When you experience disagreement to this level, sabotage takes hold. It would give me great pleasure to find a medium and co-parent peacefully. When you are involved with someone who is emotionally driven and convinced you are an enemy, there is no way co-parenting can take place.
So, the best thing I can do is accept the things I cannot change. I accept that this is a flawed situation. I speak into existence that things will turn around and get better and we will find our channel to communicate properly. I pray that we will spend our money on our child versus our lawyers and other frivolous things that come with custody issues. I have learned, I can only control my peace, my sanity, and my actions and cannot wish, ask, or request that others comply and do the same. I must accept that things will be this way for some time. Is this what I thought parenthood would be? tumultuous? Absolutely not. I know there are no perfect formulas or magic potions to getting it right.
Overall I had to check my feelings, outside of this situation was my life happy? Absolutely. Did I have to breathe life into the situation? No. So I made a choice. To feed nothing and I mean nothing into the situation. To let the thing die. So Sunday is the only interaction that I have with my child’s Father and that is even minuscule. He is to place his daughter in her car seat and have zero interaction with me. This is not what I envisioned co-parenting to be, but it is required to be this way for some time. I choose not to air the grievances I have with him in full detail, but I am not in high approval of his actions, and others on his behalf, because they do not benefit our daughter and her well being period. I am convinced that he is upset about something and he is seeking revenge of some sort without looking at what the cost is. You(at least for me) have to get to that pivotal point in your life where you ask, What is best for our daughter? Do I want peace, or do I want to be right? What does peace cost and what does being right cost? That is something he will have to figure out . For me I choose peace. it is free, fabulous, fantastic, and gives me life. It gives me the ability to focus on the precious time that my daughter is growing. She is learning and growing so fast. I do not want it to wiz by me and I am focused on custody issues.
Now that I am in a more positive place, I feel redeemed. Freed and I can now share the wonderful moments and accounts that I have with my daughter as well as the adventures of living life in the 30 year old lane. Life is great and short, and I intend to be intentional about living a really good life. Praise God for clarity and grace, without it I would not have been able to get to this pivotal most freeing moment in my life. My custody case is not over, hopefully the end of it is in the early part of November, but I have moved past it.