Being an Anchor

 

I am an anchor.

It is a natural thing for me to fall into. I am a confidant, I am a psychologist, I am an open non judgmental listening ear for everyone I feel in my life needs it. It is my nature. Pouring my positive energy into people is one of my favorite most intrinsic things to do. It is a selfless job, it is great that people feel that my advice is worthy of taking into consideration, it is what makes relationships with others valuable.

What happens if I need to be anchored? My ship ties decide to become loose, and I sway in an uncharted direction? Who helps pull me back to the dock? Lately, I have felt like I was finding myself  swaying in uncharted waters. I am human, it is only natural that I have some feelings of “What direction do I go to next?” Well, I guess I have to take some of that good ole advice that I dish out (Which is really hard to do btw).

This portion of my life has put me in touch with a lot of my emotions. I placed a wall up at some point in my life where my emotions, my human feelings were there, but I had a mask on to the entire world. I have a tendency to place my emotions and feelings on things on the back burner to not cause conflict. Also so I don’t look like some “emotional” or “sensitive” person. “It IS okay to be human.”  is something I have had to tell myself, it is okay to have some conflicts. You have to learn that you matter as well, even if people expect you to go along with something unrealistic.

I really learned that my emotions matter when I had my baby. She was my wake up call to show, you still feel, you are not emotionless inside, and it is perfectly fine to feel that way outwardly. Your emotions do matter. So in essence, my baby girl has helped me stand up a lot more for what I feel is right. Now, by no means will I go overboard with it, but I need to make sure that others do not try to mess up my peace. Being vulnerable is the beauty of being human. It can hurt sometimes, but it comes along with the process. It is the key to finding your joy.

I am learning that I can pour into those, as well I can anchor them. I just need to make sure when I pour I consider myself too. Isn’t the maturation process amazing? Going through it, you certainly do not think so, but reflecting, there is indeed beauty in it.

 

 

Photocred:http://cruelkev2.blogspot.com/2009/12/ships-anchor-cuts-cable-between-la.html via google

Day in the Life of a Single Mother

Yesterday,

 

It was a day. It involved tears, trials and tribulations. It was only Monday! Being a single Mom is a tough job, but you just have to keep going even when you feel like you want to quit. I forgot my child’s milk and my sitter lives far. I had to double back and pick it up from home only to forget my work badge. I get to work late, it was a decent day, very few hiccups until I forgot my breast milk in the lactation room after everyone left, and let me tell you it was a struggle each time to  even get 4oz out. So I had to go to another floor, knock on the door just to get back on my floor. After I start to make my way out of the office, I forget my milk again! So I have to do the whole knocking thing on a different floor again just to get it. I get in the car, start talking to a good friend about my emotions and other things, shed a few tears about it forget I had on mascara, so by the time I get to my sitter I look like a raccoon. I had no idea. I get my baby, decide I need to shop for food and I pray she doesn’t wake up in the hussle and bussle of a busy grocery store. Go through the store shopping with my raccoon eyes, and I’m getting weird stares, I  pay no attention of course, because hey I didn’t know. So I finish shopping, the baby wakes up when I am checking out and fusses all the way home. She is just tired and simply wants to be held. I get to my apt, and there is parking right at my building but someone is moving. The baby is crying. So I ask them if I can park next to them, they say oh there is someone there I just give up and park in Zamunda and decide, I’m going to carry this baby, milk, and all these groceries to my apt in one trip or die trying. I almost died grunting, panting, all the way across the courtyard and all the way up to the second floor. Neighbors who are moving are looking at me weird but hey I made it.  Raccoon eyes and all.

This is my everyday life, and yeah I get weary, yes, I cry about it sometimes, but I get to start over everyday and I just have to keep going. I am sure it gets better, but this is my reality. This is my everyday life. I have small victories and I take them. I think having perspective is key, and also my daughters smiles coos and simply her presence makes it all worth my while. This is just a snippet of one of my days and I still find time to be encouraging, take on projects, maintain friendships, and have great hair! LOL. Until next time.

1st Mommy/ Daughter trip

We had our first trip this weekend to Dallas. I wanted to visit friends and attend the football game against one of our biggest rivals, The Texans. Living in Houston as a Dallas Cowboys fan is rough. You can never catch a break. The fans heckle and poke fun at every second. So I just had to go and see this defeating moment live. Boy was it eventful!

 

Being a Breastfeeding Mom and with a new baby I started out at 8am on a Friday just so I could not be engorged and would have daylight to deal with the baby if she fussed. I live 4 hours away from Dallas. I was also traveling with my dog Gizmo and I was all by myself. A big feat, but nothing I could not handle. I got there in great time and got to hang with my good friend Nakia. London and her got to have a reunion and Gizmo and Peanut (our dogs) got reacquainted as well. We all went to have some Brunch on Sunday at a place called Johnathan’s, it was delish.

London was a baby celebrity. Everyone loved her outfit and the fact that she was a baby, had everyone coming by the table. I have to get used to that. I didn’t expect so many other people to actually engage me and my little one.

 

We then went to Uptown Park? Near Max’s wine dive and did some shopping. I tried on jeans, but of course they do not sell things in a tall. 😦 Oh well. We met up with my blog buddy Chelsea, and had Mimosas and some good girl talk! I will be back, and we will of course have to hang out again. I had a blast with her.

 

I went with two good friends, Brandi and Sid and we were ready for war! LOL. Kidding.

The Texans fans really showed up to this game. I think we were about even when it came to fans. I cheered, I almost cried (After a missed Field Goal that sent the game into overtime), and I screamed and acted like a….crazy fan! I love me some football, it was my Dads favorite sport to watch and since I am a Daddy’s girl, well, I followed in his footsteps.

 

 

After the game, I pretty much lost my voice and was tired. I went out the night before and then with a few hours of sleep woke up to do my motherly duties (Pumping and bonding), and forgot to really eat. So that evening I made sure that I ate some food, and sadly I became sick. Food poisoning. For a breast feeding mom that is a nightmare. I needed that food that wouldn’t stay down, and I needed to stay hydrated. I might have curled into fetal position a few times. I woke up early the next day and took off  back to Houston. It rained the entire time but overall the baby stayed asleep and we made it home safely. Traveling with a baby was not the easiest, but it was not half bad. We will be doing it again!

Now it is time for me to get back on my GMAT studies I start tonight/ tomorrow. I need at least 4 hours of study every other day until Dec. Wish me luck