Being an Anchor

 

I am an anchor.

It is a natural thing for me to fall into. I am a confidant, I am a psychologist, I am an open non judgmental listening ear for everyone I feel in my life needs it. It is my nature. Pouring my positive energy into people is one of my favorite most intrinsic things to do. It is a selfless job, it is great that people feel that my advice is worthy of taking into consideration, it is what makes relationships with others valuable.

What happens if I need to be anchored? My ship ties decide to become loose, and I sway in an uncharted direction? Who helps pull me back to the dock? Lately, I have felt like I was finding myself  swaying in uncharted waters. I am human, it is only natural that I have some feelings of “What direction do I go to next?” Well, I guess I have to take some of that good ole advice that I dish out (Which is really hard to do btw).

This portion of my life has put me in touch with a lot of my emotions. I placed a wall up at some point in my life where my emotions, my human feelings were there, but I had a mask on to the entire world. I have a tendency to place my emotions and feelings on things on the back burner to not cause conflict. Also so I don’t look like some “emotional” or “sensitive” person. “It IS okay to be human.”  is something I have had to tell myself, it is okay to have some conflicts. You have to learn that you matter as well, even if people expect you to go along with something unrealistic.

I really learned that my emotions matter when I had my baby. She was my wake up call to show, you still feel, you are not emotionless inside, and it is perfectly fine to feel that way outwardly. Your emotions do matter. So in essence, my baby girl has helped me stand up a lot more for what I feel is right. Now, by no means will I go overboard with it, but I need to make sure that others do not try to mess up my peace. Being vulnerable is the beauty of being human. It can hurt sometimes, but it comes along with the process. It is the key to finding your joy.

I am learning that I can pour into those, as well I can anchor them. I just need to make sure when I pour I consider myself too. Isn’t the maturation process amazing? Going through it, you certainly do not think so, but reflecting, there is indeed beauty in it.

 

 

Photocred:http://cruelkev2.blogspot.com/2009/12/ships-anchor-cuts-cable-between-la.html via google

I’m an Aunt…again!

The 3rd times a charm!

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That is for sure! This weekend, I got the prestigious honor of being there when my oldest brothers 1st child was born. I was so excited. I mean, life is truly amazing. Kayla Michelle Davis was born around 5pm on 08/11/13, weighing 8lbs 13oz and being 22 inches long! She is a pretty little girl, and the new parents couldn’t be any happier. I have a niece (4) and a nephew(1) by my younger brother.

I pretty much spent the weekend doing that and being a complete bum inside the house. I occasionally made up my mind to go somewhere, but ended up finishing my Amazon Prime Borrowed book on my kindle and relaxing. Sometimes after waking up at 5am non-stop and going to be late, can take a toll.

Some other things I want to address are on the emotional side. I am typically the type to be shy to reveal my real feelings about things, due to them largely being misinterpreted. I am a very passionate being, and I tend to not speak up at opportune times and sometimes that has a negative effect in my personal life. It’s a defense mechanism I will be working on for my entire life. It took me a while to not be a quiet being (I’m loud and funny now) Being an adult and mature. If I am interested in you, then I somewhere somehow deeply believe in you. It will show and I will even tell you so in so many ways. However, that is not to be regarded as being weak. If I feel, or see that something is wrong, or I do not feel is right, then, I will ask questions. Now it will not be an FBI interrogation, however, I will be direct. Direct is what I do very well. It cut’s out the possibility of deflection.

I just want people to understand that if I am passionate about you, I will have many questions for you regarding your life, because I am interested. My dating life is a bit of a comedy at the moment, and I am not getting what I require from people. In order for me to truly get what I want, I have to REQUIRE it from someone. I use to think that my requirements did not have to be stated. Unfortunately the way these guys are set up, you do. So at the moment.

I like someone, I am unsure of his intentions and I am afraid to ask. (Cue that shy introverted girl) Chances are I know it is going to be one of those, “I’m not where I want to be” speeches, because I have the most impeccable way of meeting and liking the right guy at the WRONG time in his life. When are you dimwits going to realize that you will forever be working on yourselves, that that is a life-long process! I am a person wants you for your intellectual worth not what state you are in materialistically, I evidently made that assessment when I first got to know you. I see things like this: even when my physical, and your physical attributes wear away we still have a mental connection and have that person you can talk to about anything, about everything. I’m looking at you for your worth, not what you are currently worth!  You say you want success, well, so do I. You aren’t where you want to be career – wise, financially. Hello! Me too! We are all getting there or working on making our lives more enriched. Why can’t we cake this vertical climb together? I truly don’t get it. That will forever baffle me. I Hope that works out for you and if it does, great. But I’m over here believing in you being your biggest cheerleader and you don’t seem to see me. I am invisible. Thanks for all of your consideration of my awesomeness. I just hope one day it seriously is worth something to someone other than myself, and I truly have the treatment (basics) that I desire. Nothing irrational, just simple and for me kind of thing. Can you tell I am frustrated? I am. I am sure dating will get better, but for now it is not.