My 4th

 

I’ve been missing for a few days. I have had one interesting 4th of July. I had severe tooth pain that prevented me from  doing anything but trying to take the pain away.I broke down into tears had me in tears. I mean I was desperate. The pain started mildly at on July 3rd and progressively got worse. By the 4th I was desperate and looked up a dentists on ZocDoc (An awesome site with a large range of Doctors, Dentists, Optometrists, and specialists, that allows you to book with them online). Of course, very few doctors were open. I booked an appointment with one hoping she would show up and called her several times to see if she would confirm my appointment. It was a holiday after all, and I just didnt want to take any chances. So I guess she put her personal number on the site by mistake and texted me, “Who is this?” I informed her of my dental emergency and she agreed to meet me. She tried to get me to go to other Dentists and I begged her to see me or at least help me with the infection. (I had inflammation in my gums, ew I know). She prescribed me Amoxicillin( Pill form of Penicillin, and some ibuprofen). So I finally had a little relief after hours of being in absolute agony. I made an appointment to see her the next day. Work kept calling me. I was on call. I eventually texted my boss my situation and that the back up person would need to take over. They STILL called me. I could not even think. Throughout the 4th, I slept. That is all I could do, the pain pills were not working but for 2 hours at a time and I knew I would need something stronger, like Vicodin. I am not fond of pills, but in this case, I NEEDED them. That would be the only way I would be able to make it through the night. I even contemplated drinking and taking some pills so I could be sleepy and sleep. A toothache will make you think of doing some dangerous things.

 

So, I had a friend with some left over Vicodin from a knee surgery and I took one to sleep. That lasted me 4 hours. YIKES. Any time I have taken Vicodin for pain (knee, dental work etc) I have been knocked out cold. Completely. So I took some ibuprofen and tried to sleep. I really didn’t. The only thing that I know that I find soothing, is taking a hot bath. I took like 4 throughout the night. In the morning, I woke up groggy from my non sleep, and took another Vicodin hoping I would be able to get ready for work. It worked, but It made me so sleepy.  I fell asleep in the bathtub. Put on my work pants and fell asleep again. I wasn’t late for work. LOL. But I was in pain, answering calls, and everyone who saw me was like O_O  You need to go home. As soon as another co worker got in I left. I had to wait until 2pm that day to get some relief. They numbed me up and cleaned out the infected tooth. I have to get a root canal and a crown, but I will be okay. I just recommend you do not go more than 6 months without seeing a dentist. That was my downfall. This root canal and crown is going to cost me $1,000+.

 

Healing, it is a slow process

I am not one to forgive easily. I have been known to harbor feelings of hurt. My way of dealing with it, is to either avoid the person or not really treat them with respect. I generally am not mean, but I do not go out of my way to be kind to them. I am not really careful with how I speak to them and I am not really tolerable of any of their quirks, or urge for me to respect them. People on the outside think I am absolutely rude capital b-word to these people, but honestly it is my way of dealing with the pain they inflicted on me. I am only typing this to offer an explanation for my non- courteous behavior. Now I know my behavior towards people like this is not correct, but healing is a slow process. I will forgive the person. It will not be an overnight process. Sometimes outsiders see the behavior and may have a connection to the one that offended me. They might find it offensive. It probably is.

Let me just say it isn’t some oh…. this person hurt my feelings or made me mad that makes it hard to forgive them. It was the fact that I was vulnerable and I needed them, and they mistreated me.  So forgive me if I am a little stand -offish to those who have inflicted deep mental anguish you can’t ever forget, but I want to forgive and get to the happiness in store, there is just a process that has to happen and that is not overnight. Just this year I have decided to forgive someone close to me for the things I was put through.  The healing starts now. Those who I understandably know hurts them to see two people they love have a disagreement like me and the offender do, just need to know that this is something they cannot fix, nor intervene on, they just need to let the process happen. It is best for my relationship with the offender and the ones that love me. Pain is a horrible feeling especially intangible pain. Healing is slow, and I am not perfect nor have claimed to be, I just need my loved ones to understand not everything needs a cape with extra starch to intervene.