Healing, it is a slow process

I am not one to forgive easily. I have been known to harbor feelings of hurt. My way of dealing with it, is to either avoid the person or not really treat them with respect. I generally am not mean, but I do not go out of my way to be kind to them. I am not really careful with how I speak to them and I am not really tolerable of any of their quirks, or urge for me to respect them. People on the outside think I am absolutely rude capital b-word to these people, but honestly it is my way of dealing with the pain they inflicted on me. I am only typing this to offer an explanation for my non- courteous behavior. Now I know my behavior towards people like this is not correct, but healing is a slow process. I will forgive the person. It will not be an overnight process. Sometimes outsiders see the behavior and may have a connection to the one that offended me. They might find it offensive. It probably is.

Let me just say it isn’t some oh…. this person hurt my feelings or made me mad that makes it hard to forgive them. It was the fact that I was vulnerable and I needed them, and they mistreated me.  So forgive me if I am a little stand -offish to those who have inflicted deep mental anguish you can’t ever forget, but I want to forgive and get to the happiness in store, there is just a process that has to happen and that is not overnight. Just this year I have decided to forgive someone close to me for the things I was put through.  The healing starts now. Those who I understandably know hurts them to see two people they love have a disagreement like me and the offender do, just need to know that this is something they cannot fix, nor intervene on, they just need to let the process happen. It is best for my relationship with the offender and the ones that love me. Pain is a horrible feeling especially intangible pain. Healing is slow, and I am not perfect nor have claimed to be, I just need my loved ones to understand not everything needs a cape with extra starch to intervene.

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